‘I regret picking my child’s godmother after what she said’

There are few greater honours than being asked to become a godparent to someone’s child. Bestowing this significant role in a child’s upbringing is a weighty choice, and one which parents understandably consider with great care.

Traditionally, a godfather or godmother takes responsibility for guiding a child’s religious and spiritual growth. While this remains the case for many families, increasingly the role is also given to trusted individuals outside the immediate family who will be influential figures in a child’s life and serve as mentors – such as close friends of one or both parents. However, one mother who had appointed a friend she had known for many years as her daughter’s godmother has said she is regretting the decision following a particular comment the woman made regarding her bond with the child.

In a post on Reddit, the 27-year-old explained she had been friends with Lindsey, also 27, since their secondary school days.

“When my daughter was born two years ago, I asked her to be the godmother,” she explained. “At the time my husband was deployed overseas, and Lindsey was around a lot.

“She helped me get through that period more than anyone else besides my family. She’d come over when I was overwhelmed, help with things around the house and kept me company. I was grateful for her.

“My husband is home now and things are more normal, but Lindsey is still very involved with my daughter. I’ve never had an issue with that. I like that my kid has people who love her.”

However, she revealed that a remark Lindsey made at a barbecue with family and friends left her stunned”, reports the Mirror. “Lindsey was holding my daughter and talking about how much time they spend together,” she explained.

“Then she said something about how my daughter needs someone who’s ‘actually around all the time’ and joked that since I work a lot, maybe she should handle more of the ‘real parenting stuff’. I felt extremely embarrassed and shut down a little after that, especially since it was in front of other people.”

She went on to explain that she had messaged Lindsey several days later to express her feelings, but her friend “didn’t really apologise”, claiming that part of being a godparent was “stepping in when needed”. “That response made it worse, because it felt like she was justifying what she said instead of understanding why it crossed a line,” she said.

“I never asked her to co-parent. I asked her to be a godmother. Those aren’t the same thing. I eventually told her that I didn’t feel comfortable with her continuing in that role if she couldn’t respect boundaries around my role as my child’s godparent.”

Reddit users expressed divided views on the matter. One said: “She was insulting both you and your husband by referring to you as absentee and negligent parents. I do not think there was anything wrong with calling her out on what she said and asking for space.”

However, another countered: “She was a co-parent when your husband was gone. We all know this. We all know you relied on her. Now you got your feelings hurt because what she said hit a guilt nerve. Guilt for working so much. So when you needed her, it was ok. Now that you don’t, you got upset.”

They continued: “You were lucky to have someone who loves your child as much as you but now you damaged that. Hope you won’t need her again because what you said was hurtful.”

A third user proposed an alternative approach, stating: “What she said was completely inappropriate. However with the length of your friendship and the amount of help she’s given you I think it would be worth it to try and have an in person conversation about this before you completely cut ties.”