A word with a woman trying to pull off a crossbody phone strap

Oh, this thing? It’s just a crossbody strap. It’s a fun and youthful way to carry your phone. It’s all the rage with Europeans and young people. I love it, and I definitely don’t feel weird and self-conscious using it. Plus, it’s great to have a $700 investment dangling near your waist while you walk down the street. Kind of a thrill.

Stylish? Yeah, I guess it looks pretty cool. Especially when I pair it with an oversized jacket and it kind of bunches the fabric up around my armpit. It’s a pretty seamless addition to my wardrobe since I basically live in Tevas and a pair of athleisure leggings from Target. I am a Target Circle member, in fact. I don’t like to brag about it, but that’s how plugged in I am to the latest fashion trends. Anyway, one of my friends watched me sling the crossbody over my shoulder and said, “I feel like I’m hanging out with Rick Steves.”

Convenient? Totally. It’s so easy to grab my phone, wrestle it around so the screen is facing me, and bang out a text without missing a beat. Way easier than just grabbing it out of my jacket pocket. Plus, I always have my phone handy for tap-to-pay. Sometimes I have to lean in and do a mini squat to reach the pay terminal, but that’s a little bonus workout. That’s just the kind of thing you can do when you live a soft pants lifestyle.

You know what else? It’s too goddamn dark in bars these days, or they’re making the print smaller on the menus. Maybe both. But that’s not a problem when you have your phone on a crossbody strap. Just hit that flashlight toggle (on purpose, for a change) and you’ve got a handy reading light at your side. Nothing complements the ambiance of a moody cocktail lounge like 50 lumens of bright white LEDs aimed at your receipt while you figure out whether or not a service charge was included.

Honestly? It would be useful if the crossbody could hold other stuff, too. Like maybe my keys, some tissues, and a little notebook. Loose change, Carmex, that kind of thing. And maybe I can take my phone out of it when I get home, hang it up on the coat rack, and have it ready to go for my next outing. A crossbody, but a little bigger so it can hold all the stuff you leave the house with. I bet you they sell one at Target.